The Rhythms of Life

For most of my life, I adopted the rhythm of four seasons. In New England, I was inspired by the first few weeks of each new season and ready for a change in the last few weeks of each season.

California seasons are subtle and there are no inspiring renewals. One month marches into another with no definition. One day I notice the hills are browned out with the dryness of summer and before long I notice we are rich with the green of the rainy season. I never know exactly when the changes happened and the changes have little impact.

So, it was natural to fall into the rhythm that cancer generates. I just had my third CT Scan, and the results were great. I'm very relieved. I am inspired. It's like Spring!

As much as I trust that I am cancer free following all the aggressive treatment last year, I need to verify my condition every six months. I am in a trust and verify rhythm. The two seasons of my life are July through December and January through June each year. This rhythm will go on for five years.

I can easily trust that I'm healthy now, but as I get close to the next scan in January my anxiety will grow. "What's that pain in my arm?" "Is that a lump in my thigh?" "Why am I feeling tired." "Have I lost weight?" In the six weeks before the last scan, I was fighting to stay focused on the positive. I was mostly successful, but it was like trying to stand upright at the shoreline with your face toward the sun while a dark, swirling undertow tries to throw you off balance underfoot.

Anyway, I've been scanned in great detail and I'm fine. There is still a pseudo-cyst on my pancreas that is a result of surgery. It's a potential problem, but they often go away on their own, and mine shrunk about 25% in the past six months. That's a good indication that it will continue to dissolve.

Beyond that, I've not lost any more weight. The other side effects like atrial fibrillation and pulmonary emboli are no longer present. My strength is improving and my energy level is good. I managed to walk 18 holes for the first time in July. My gym workouts are more rigorous.

The work that I am able to do is going well. I just finished an engagement at Cisco and another at HP. I managed a business trip to Australia with no ill effect. I'm focused on work with Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.

For ever thing there is a season....