It's Friday morning. The past two days were uncomfortable, but I'm starting to feel better as the last dose of Cisplatin wears off. I met with the radiologist on Wednesday and an intern yesterday. They claim that I'm doing much better than could be expected to this point. Today's radiation treatment is the halfway point. I will have 14 more radiation days starting on Monday. They anticipate that I should do OK next week, but they warned me that the two following weeks of radiation will bring on fatigue, a loss of appetite, and difficulty swallowing. I'm beginning to feel some irritation in my esophagus from the radiation, but its not bad yet.

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The radiation machine has a nickname. Trillium. It's the size of a small car and it resides in a room the size of a garage. I walk in each day and climb onto a plastic mold of my back and head. I put my arms back over my head. I'm looking up and resting comfortably in the mold. Large green arms bring disks the size of a car tire within eight inches of my chest. I can the the reflection of my bare chest in the steel disk in front of me. My chest has fine green laser cross hairs marking the target right below my rib cage. It's an assassin's point of view.

Two technicians work to line up my body. "Give me a three millimeter role to the center", says one. My body moves slightly as they tug the sheet under me. The technicians go away. The machine starts to move quietly and smoothly. Precision. Various green arms bring new devices which quietly take pictures. The technicians appear again and move my hips about 1 inch to the left and disappear.

The radiation arm moves into place on the right side of my body and blasts me for about 2 seconds. It moves over my chest and blasts again for about 6 seconds. Then to my right for 3 seconds. Then underneath me and blast up through my back for another 5 seconds. I feel nothing. It's like getting a long xray.

"OK, you can relax your arms", he says from the safety of the control booth. I'm done.

I've seen the images they take. I can see every bone and organ in my torso. I can see the target areas. I can see the tumor. Even though the tumor is small, they are radiating about 3 inches on either side of it. They are also radiating related lymphnodes to be on the safe side. Amazing!

Moving Along

I had my last Cisplatin infusion on Monday and I'm doing OK. I had some friends visit from the East Coast during an additional infusion of saline solution yesterday and really enjoyed the afternoon. Today and tomorrow will probably be a bit more difficult, buy I'm functioning well enough. I'll spend the afternoon today getting radiation number 12 (out of 28) and another infusion of saline solution. After today, I'll just be going to radiation for about 45 minutes a day and taking some mild chemo in tablet form. By the weekend, I should feel much better.

Good Weekend!

I did better with side effects this week. My cold has run its course. I was able to work out on Friday and Saturday and almost felt normal most of the time. I have one more week of Cistplatin. I spent some time with Dr. Jones on Friday and have a better idea of what to expect from the next 15 sessions of radiation. So far, I don't feel any side effects from radiation. It's early. I will probably start to feel some discomfort in my esophagus in the next two weeks and have some difficulty with digestion and swallowing in my last week. She showed me the pictures that are produced with each session. They are amazing. They are radiating the small tumor on in my esophagus, but are also radiating an area about three inches around the tumor. In addition, they are radiating the lympnodes that are connected to that part of the esophagus.

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It was only 3 months ago that Sharon and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. We have always tried to take time out for ourselves, but this was exceptional. We rented our favorite condo in Poipu, Kauai which is about 100 yards from the water. The sound of the surf is loud and the trade winds blow through the living area all day. We read, we walked, we shot pictures, we painted, and just celebrated a great marriage. We have actually been together for 44 years going all the way back to our senior year of high school.

It had been a difficult year because our parents had suffered some difficult health scares.
When we planned the trip, it was difficult to imagine that we would really be able to get away. By November, our parents had all recovered nicely. Everyone was finally feeling better and we were enjoying a moment of total relaxation without a care in the world. It was only 20 days later that we found out that I had cancer to deal with. I'm so grateful we had a moment of peace before all of this started. I think it helped us both get our attitude together more quickly.

Sharon and I have been through a lot of great times and some very difficult times in those 44 years. I can't even begin to describe the comfort that our shared experience brings me as I imagine the challenges of the next few months.

I feel more blessed than ever.

Doin' ok

It's Thursday evening and I'm feeling pretty good. I did better this week with side effects than last. Last week, I didn't feel well on Wednesday and Thursday. This week, I received two liters of saline solution (instead of one) on Tuesday and Wednesday. I also gave in to any wave of bad feeling and just stretched out and went to sleep. I didn't feel great, but I did much better.

I only have one more infusion of Cisplatin next Monday. I will continue with Zoloda on the same days as radiation right until the end, but the side effects are not as intense. I've had 8 radiation treatments and have 16 more to go. The end of this chemo/radiation phase is in sight. Then, I have six weeks of no treatment to get my strength back before surgery around the first week of May.

Feeling light and metallic

I had another nine hour day in the infusion room yesterday. It was my third such day with one more to go next Monday.

I was surrounded by people who are really suffering and I'm almost guilty that I'm not. I feel like a poser. I finished a book, watched Charlie Rose and Jim Lehr, took a nap, wheeled my IV pole down to the cafe and grossed some people out while I sat, pole and all and ate. I was serenaded by an excellent jazz guitar player who lingered to talk for quite awhile. Tolerable day.

It sounds like a spa day, but the objective is to absorb Cysplatin. I get it once a week. Basically, it consists of the metal, Platinum. I'm being infused with Platinum. My value is going up! I never cared much to be a platinum member of anything, but here I am, today, feeling highly valued like a platinum member of some club I shouldn't belong to. I've also lost weight. It's not because I'm not eating. I'm just losing weight. So, I feel light as a feather and metallic after just coming back from a spa that was nightmarish. How weird! Part of the reason I feel so good is that I get a blast of some kind of cortizone that allows me not to feel sick after getting the Cysplatin. The cortizone lasts for about 24 hours. After that I'm depending on Zofran to do the same. So far, that combination has been good until Wednesday am. Then I begin to feel nausea. I can add Compozine to stabilize, but I haven't so far. Probably I will this week.

This new feeling of metallic light reminds me of a photo I took at an art fair in Saucelito, CA last year. An artist did body casts of metal wire and floated them above the tents. They were spectacular. I like these sculptures because I've had a recurring dream that I am running through a field and each bound gets higher and longer. When I get to about 20 feet high, I panic to get my balance and wake myself up with jolt. I feel, today, as if I could actually make those leaps. Then, a trip down the stairs to breakfast leaves my knees weak. Probably I won't try. Maybe in my dreams later today as they infuse me with saline solution to wash the platinum out of me again.

Quiet Weekend

I've enjoyed a quiet weekend in San Carlos. Sharon and I still have chest colds and we decided to take a rest. It was a beautiful weekend. Spring is here! Josh came down from Ashland, OR to visit and it was great to spend some time with him.

I'll continue with chemotherapy tomorrow. The radiation unit is on holiday tomorrow, so I will resume on that treatment on Tuesday. I was pleased to presume that cancer doesn't grow on weekends or holidays. I'm only feeling the symptoms of a cold today and not feeling the side effects of chemo. I now have two weeks down and 3 and a half weeks to go to complete chemo and radiation...but who's counting.

Whew!

The asthma is mostly gone today. I did experience some of the side effects of chemo yesterday and today. As predicted, I encountered all kinds of weird symptoms. I was nauseated, my ears would ring from time to time, I felt lightheaded and then tired. I slept well and felt good this morning but was hit again about 11:00 am for a couple of hours. By this afternoon I felt good again and went off to do some chores. I think I'll be fine for the rest of the weekend. Next week will be even uglier. I can see how this builds week by week.

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I don't like it! I felt like one of Vladimir Puton's poison victims. First, I thought I might be in a first trimester morning sickness syndrome. I can't imagine how any woman works during that time. Miserable feeling. Fortunately, I had the distraction of an occasional school bell going off inside my head. By late afternoon, I thought I might have a case of Bird Flu but that was quickly followed by Cholera. Then, I had a great night's sleep and woke up fresh and energetic...only to be brought to my knees by more nausea just before lunch. At some point, I stood up and realized I must only weight about 12 pounds. I felt light as a feather. I recovered and ran errands around town this afternoon as if I was perfectly normal.

The sad fact is that I'm getting these symptoms with about 60% of the chemo that the average person with cancer gets. On top of that, I've had the week off from radiation which took some of the sting out of it. I have a strong feeling that the next several weeks are not going to be good particularly on Wednesdays and Thursdays. It really helped not to fight the symptoms when they occur. Yesterday, I tried to keep going with planned activity despite how I was feeling. Today, I just gave in and relaxed. Today's strategy worked better.