Happy Holidays

First Sharon's nephew, Dana, flew in from Austria and joined our son, Josh, and his girlfriend, Erika for a get together before Christmas. They had to leave just before our daughter, Jordan, and her family arrived from Chicago. Sharon's sister, Joyce and her husband, Ed, joined us the day after Christmas. It was all wonderful! Just the way the holidays ought to be. But wait...it's not over. After a short break, our grandchildren, Baxter and Lyle, will stay with us for a rousing New Years Eve Celebration in Pacific Grove with Shirley Temple's and the works. Then Jordan and Matt come back for a few days before they all need to return to Chicago. We are having a blast!

Tax preparation chores, today, brought 2007 in sharper focus. I had to go through the check records, one book at a time, fishing for medical expenses that weren't reimbursed by Blue Cross. I saw blanks in the deposit column that might have contained income. I saw deposits from disability payments that absorbed the anxiety of no income. Like breadcrumbs, checks and receipts mapped the trail back to the beginning of the year and I strolled back through it all. I was dazzled by the scale. Tens of thousands of dollars of our own money and hundreds of thousands of dollars in insurance payments littered the landscape.

We are incredibly resilient. We should have had nervous breakdowns on the economic impact alone. The economic impact was dwarfed by the focus on risky treatments that promised negative side effects and devastating possibilities.

As I walked back up the checkbook trail to today I felt better and better. I worked three days last week, practiced my golf swing. worked out in the gym and gained a few pounds. My muscles are firming up. I calculated my body mass index today and was delighted to realize that, as thin as I am, I'm right in the middle of my ideal weight category. I don't have to gain weight...just muscle.

I also need to fatten up the checkbook. All in good time. I continue to get great work and I'm really enjoying my clients. I hope to move on to an average of 3 days a week after the first of the year.

Back to work...

I'm back on even keel with no doctor's appointments for the near future. I'm working out again and even took my first golf lesson last week.

Monday was our 41st Anniversary. It's hard to believe that much time has passed. It goes so fast! This last year was frightening and we appreciated our anniversary more than ever as a result.

We are two days from Thanksgiving and, once again, we feel blessed and will give hearty thanks for the good health that seems to be with us after a year long storm of challenges. Sharon and I spent the last two Sunday's at the Universal Unitarian church. We liked what we saw. I'm sure we will join. In my lifetime, I've moved from Catholic to Episcopal to United Church of Christ Congregational to Unitarian. Each religion is more liberal than the last. What could be next?

In another step toward getting settled in Pacific Grove, Sharon attended an orientation session to become a literacy volunteer. When they discovered that she is certified to teach English as a Second Language, they decided to assign two adults who don't speak English. She is very excited to get engaged, again, in the work she loves the most.

Great news...mostly!

The two scans showed no cancer! I'm a free man for another six months! Almost...

While they were looking at the scans for signs of cancer, they found blood clots in my lungs. Pulmonary Emboli. I had an episode of that about 14 years ago that I recovered from just fine. This episode is much less invasive because we caught it early. I had no symptoms, but an ultrasound showed that I had small clots in my calves that were moving through my blood stream and into my lungs. They are small and are not interfering with my breathing. Evidently, the cancer treatments have a tendency to cause blood to coagulate faster than normal and mine has done just that.

I went straight from my doctor's visit to the Stanford Emergency room across the street. I spent Thursday night in the hospital and was released to treat myself at home with a few promises. I can't exercise hard for three days. I'll be on Cumiden for six months and they want to do another scan when they think the blood clots will be dissolved.

Just as I was trying to escape from the hospital yesterday, the surgeon was also catching up to the scans I did on Thursday and said he was concerned about an anomaly in the area that I had the endoscopy a couple of weeks ago. The surgeon wants to see me next week to see what that anomaly is. It's not cancer. It could be scar tissue. I could be a cyst of some sort. They may want to take a closer look with another scan or endoscopy.

So far, I'm surving cancer. I'm not doing so well on surving treatment!

I'm focused on the good news and trying not to notice the rest of the news more than necessary...a few pills...a few shots...a few more scans...missing a great round of golf today on a beautifully sunny day...

...and no cancer! I'll be back to work on Monday.

Silver linings....

I can't believe the difference! That little procedure really helped. I can swallow food so much better. I'm eating more. I think I've started to get some weight back. I'm also able to lift more weight at the gym. I think I'm getting a little muscle back as well.

I'll have two crucial scans this week. On Thursday morning, I'll get a CT dye contrast scan. In the afternoon, I'll get a PET scan. Then, I'll meet with the radiation oncologist who will give me the results. I expect that both will be negative for cancer. The problem with the scans is that there are often false positives that need additional work to make sure that they are not cancer. This will be a regular six month routine for five years.

Sharon and I went to San Francisco for the weekend and took in some great music and great food. Once again, it feels like we have our lives back again.

...and, a major step forward!

I went to Stanford Hospital last Thursday for a procedure to help me swallow more effectively. I had an endoscopy with a balloon that was inflated to widen the passage between my esophagus and my stomach. I only needed it widened about 4-5 millimeters or about 33%. Evidently, some scar tissue had grown in following surgery and closed the passage a bit. I was having trouble swallowing certain things...like food! I was a little apprehensive about the procedure because I didn't want the passage to be open too wide. Given that gravity is the only force that now keeps food in my stomach, I didn't want a wide opening that would let the food come back up to my esophagus(or beyond, God forbid) if did something like stand on my head for a minute. I'm not likely to do that, but go with the hypothetical for minute. It wouldn't be pretty.

I was sedated with Demerol. That's my favorite. I feel wonderful for two days after. I was even happier when I had lunch immediately after the procedure and was able to eat things that I hadn't been able to eat in months. I continued to eat even more over the weekend. Wow! I might be able to gain some weight back in the coming weeks.

After lunch, I went shopping for a new camera. I accidentally left my camera in an overhead compartment following a recent trip. I bought a new Cannon SLR that is just magnificent.

I also played 18 holes of golf on a beautiful 'Indian Summer' fall Saturday. My game improved a little.

Today, we toured Big Sur for the day. We managed to be at Garapatta Beach for sunset and we were rewarded with a combination of pink sunset and a sand bar that was smooth as glass to mirror the sky.

I'm back to work tomorrow and loving that, too. Life is really good! It makes me want to stand on my head!

Slight set back

I'm doing fine. I had another couple of weeks of Shingles attack that made it necessary to rest more than I wanted. I think the symptoms were light because I had a Shingles Immunization before my diagnosis. Since I started treatment, I've had enough trauma to trigger Shingles three times. Each time, the symptoms were much lighter than they might have been. So, I highly recommend that those of you who read this get a Shingles Immunization soon if you once had Chicken Pox.

That said, I feel good now. I took 10 days off from work, rested, and caught up with long overdue family visits. I'll start back to work on Monday. I'm more determined than ever to lift weights every other day. I have a lot of muscle to build. My weight has remained stable.

I've had a chance to meet with my Oncologist regarding progress. He was happy with my status and designed a program that includes a CT Scan every 6 months (instead of the normal 3 months) and an Endoscopy every year. He doesn't expect to see this cancer again, but we can't take any chances. The norm is that we need to see no cancer for 5 years before we are comfortable.

He also agree that I should have the passage between my esophagus and stomach enlarged from 9mm to 12mm. This will be done on October 25 at Stanford. Basically, they do another endoscopy and use a balloon to push back scar tissue that has formed since surgery. I was warned that scar tissue could form and I may have to do this more than once. The good news is that it's not too invasive or painful. I'll be in and out in a few hours with no side effects.

Gettin' into it!

I'm thrilled to be working again. I did a three day trip last week. I did well while I worked, but I slept a lot during the day for the next three days. I recovered by Monday, played 18 holes and packed again for a two day trip this week. I don't think I could do more, but I'm really fulfilled by the work I am able to do.

We are very happy with the way our home is shaping up in Pacific Grove. We have our best furnishings placed and it feels great. Everything is close by in this small town. We can reach hardware stores, grocery stores, pharmacies, and restaurants within a few minutes. We can lend my mother some support and she lives a few minutes away. We can go to the beach and have a sandwich for lunch with no effort at all.

We are beginning to feel that all the effort of moving and consolidating is paying off.

I am stunned by the work opportunities. As the months of treatment rolled on, I had to wonder if all my work momentum would grind to a halt. I wondered if I could ever get things restarted when I was ready. Consulting is notorious for taking a long time to start and restart. I seem to have great opportunities with each of the clients I had when I had to stop work. In addition, I have several new clients as well. I can't get back to full strength fast enough.

I'm also starting to work on photography again. I'm going to place a photograph in a show that is coming up at the end of October at the Monterey Art Museum called "Miniatures". It's not a big deal, but it feels great to be engaged again.

On a clear day...

I woke up this morning to barking sea lions. They are at least a mile away at the Monterey wharf, but the sound carried through town and slipped in our open bedroom window. Then, I heard reveille being played at the Presidio. I jumped to attention and discovered the clearest day I've yet experienced in Pacific Grove.

We went for a walk at Asilomar beach and had lunch at the Inn at Spanish Bay before returning. What a great way to start a day!

We've cleared enough boxes away to begin sorting out our art and getting the best pictures hung. It makes a big difference to the look of each room and the sense that this is now home.

Sharon took this picture of me on the walk this morning. I'm a lot thinner than the last time most of you saw me. I've dropped about 45 - 50 pounds. I think my weight has stabilized. I'm at my ideal weight for my height. That's comforting. Now I need to build muscle back up. It will take some time. Esophageal Cancer is one way to lose a lot of weight quickly and keep it off. I don't recommend it.

Work Feels Good!

I spent the day with one of IBM's clients, yesterday, helping them figure out how to grow faster. I was part of a team that is run by David Thomson. He wrote a book called "Blueprint to a Billion" www.blueprinttoabillion.com last year and it's in a fifth printing already. The book is driving a market for follow-on workshops.

We added a lot of value in a short time. We were able to get agreement on a road map that would get this company from it's current $500 million dollars in revenue to over a billion in three years.

It felt great to be back to work again. This is the third workshop that I have been able to do in three weeks. I still need to rest a lot before and after the workshop, but I'm definitely improving my stamina.

We are looking forward to an easy weekend. We still have some settling in to do, but we are in no rush to finish.

18 Holes!

I managed to finish 18 holes of golf yesterday. It wasn't pretty, but I wasn't tired. My game is completely changed. My swing is different because I weigh so much less. I have little strength. I don't hit very far, but that means I'm not hitting so many homes and cars. I have to rely on rhythm to get any distance at all. My short game is better. My putting is excellent. So, when all is said and done, my score is about the same.

It was glorious being out of doors and away from the moving project. We are getting more settled every day.

Today, I fly to Orange County to prepare for a workshop that we will do with an IBM client tomorrow. I was able to write a proposal to one of the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory clients this morning.

Life feels much more normal.

Clear Day

Pacific Grove is famous for it's cold foggy months of July and August. There is a marine layer of gray cloud that hangs over the ocean at about 500 ft that stretches from here all the way back to Hawaii. The layer is receding by 9:00 am and the rest of the day has been clear and warm. The season has changed. We are into a September weather pattern. Our summer starts now and runs to November.

I look over my computer screen at rooftops and cypress trees all the way to Monterrey Bay. I get a peek at the bright blue ocean and the distant Santa Cruz hills on the other side of the bay. Warm air settles on my shoulders and massages them until they drop about two inches. The pain in my back, a residual result of surgery, recedes with the fog.

We cleaned up all of the last boxes in the house this morning. We are now truly moved in and living here. We've waited for this day a long time. Tomorrow, Sharon starts attending a program at the University of California Monterey Bay on ancient cultures. I will play golf all morning. We are not disappointed.

We've Moved!

We moved last Tuesday and have made some real progress. We started shoulder deep in boxes. Now we are only calf deep. This is hard! No matter how much we cut back on what we have accumulated, we still seem to have more than we can fit.

Sharon's sister, Joyce, saved the day with three days of help. I am still operating at about 65%. Sharon has been incredible at organizing and staying on task.

My health continues to improve. I"m eating more and most of my food aversion is gone. I'm still not hungry, but I've had items such a lamb chops, french fries, and spare ribs. Meat is still hard to swallow and digest, but I really need the calories and protein for awhile to stop the weight loss.

My breathing continues to improve as well. I've been able to work a few days and I'm planning to do some work for IBM in Los Angeles later this week. I'm also lining up more work for September. It looks like we will be picked up enough by this Tuesday that I can get out to play some golf and get to the gym again. Moving has been good exercise, but I need more aerobics.

Our new address is: 409 Congress Avenue Pacific Grove, CA 93950. Our business/home phone is 831 333-1337. My cell phone and Sharon's cell phone are still the same.

Gettin' past it!

Everything continues to go well. I've managed to do some light assignments for clients that amount to about three days of work in August.

We are continuing to sort and pack for our move to Pacific Grove on August 21. The move has been very difficult because we are reducing our living space and consolidating two homes into one. Suddenly, pieces of furniture that we really liked in San Carlos are the wrong color or size in Pacific Grove. Little pieces of art that remind us of this trip or that family gathering can't be accommodated in our smaller space. Each decision to shed something becomes painful when you value your history as much as we do.

I completed a follow up endoscope. That went OK. I'm not sure what they used to knock me out, but I felt GREAT all day after the procedure. Now I know what great feels like again. Unfortunately, I was back to feeling like a recovering surgery patient the next day. We discovered that I had some thrush infection (from the inhalers that I've been using) in my esophagus that needed seven days of medication. The medication upset my stomach and I didn't feel great for the past week as a result. It felt like I was going backwards. I'm past all of that now. I feel much better today.

The doctors are predicting that I'll regain my strength by the end of December. In the meantime, I'll be able to do more and more each month.

Surgery plus 73 days

I'm continuing to improve. It's a slow process. We are in San Carlos this week continuing to sort and pack for the move to Pacific Grove on August 21. I'm talking a lot with clients to see what has happened since I left work in January. A lot has happened. I get very fired up with each new client issue and want desperately to get back to work. One of my clients said yesterday that it takes at least a month to recover from each hour that you are sedated in surgery. I think that formula may apply. By that measure, I should be fully back by the end of October, five months of recovery for five hours of surgery.

Surgery plus 64 days

My final meeting with the surgeon went as well as I had hoped. He said that this is one of the fastest recoveries he has seen. From his point of view, the surgery is complete.

I also met with the gastro-entomologist who first found the tumor during an endoscopy. I went to see him because it occurred to me that I may not need the antacid prescription that I took before surgery. After all, I wasn't eating much and my stomach didn't seem to be acidic at all. I was right. The instructions from the hospital release were incorrect. I shouldn't have been taking those prescriptions any more. They probably made eating more difficult.

He gave me some additional interesting facts:

- the number of people being diagnosed with this cancer is increasing
- there is no proof that medication for reflux (prevacid, priolsec, ranitadine) acutal work...they may be doing more harm than good
- my surgery cut a nerve that triggers the production of stomach acid so I don't have to worry about creating the same problem again, and
-my surgery also disposed of the sphincter muscle that closes off the stomach from the esophagus and I'm now dependent on gravity to settle my stomach through the digestion process.

So, those of you are living with a reflux condition (and it seems like half of you are) need to get rid of the condition by cutting out the cause as opposed to treating the symptoms. Eat smaller meals more often. Stay away form acidic foods. Don't eat much before going to bed. Stay at a healthy weight.

I've scheduled a follow-up endoscopy in two weeks to have a closer look at how things are working to make sure there is no mechanical problems with the reconfigured stomach and esophagus.

Surgery plus 61 days

My exercise this week involves sorting through closets and drawers in San Carlos and weeding out what we don't have room for in Pacific Grove. I'm afraid that most of the work is falling on Sharon, but I'm able to do more than I have before. I have my last visit with the surgeon on Thursday and fully expect that he will be pleased with my progress. I'm not ready to go back to work quite yet, but I'm making steady progress in that direction. We have a swimming pool in the community and I've been there for a while each afternoon. I have scars on the front and back of my torso that look like the seams on a baseball. I fully expected people to run out of the area when I took my shirt off. So far, only quickly averted eyes....except for the young children who stare with great curiosity. I'm used to it already.

Surgery plus 55 days

Well, after my success with the pitching wedge, I went back to the driving range several days in a row and worked my way through the bag. After a few days, I came to the conclusion that I could play again. So, yesterday, I played 9 holes. It wasn't a pretty round in general, but I made three pars. I don't think I could have walked the course, but I had no problem driving it in a golf cart. In fact, I'm sure I could have done 18. I think the surgeon told me that I might be able to play golf again after 12 months or so if all went well. I can't wait to tell him next week that I'm playing golf again less than two months after surgery.

I also worked out in a gym a couple of days ago. I took it real easy, but I was amazed at how much I could do.

So, physically, I'm doing better. My lungs are clearing. My stamina is increasing and could be back to normal in about four weeks or so if I keep improving at this rate. I'm beginning to talk with clients and partners about work they would like me to do. I'm eager to get back.

I'm still having difficulty eating enough during the day. I continue to lose weight and haven't really stabilized yet. I'm hoping that the increased exercise and fresh air will stimulate my appetite, but I still have to be able to eat more. The doctors have said that my eating capacity will improve, but I need that to happen soon.

Thanks, again, for all your emails and cards. They mattered a lot through all of this.

Surgery plus 50 days

It couldn't be a more beautiful day in Pacific Grove. There is no wind. It's sunny. The temperature is 75 degrees. I can smell the ocean.

I went down to the putting green this morning and spent an hour trying to improve my game. Then, I took the big gamble and went to the driving range. I now took my wedge so that I wouldn't be tempted to do something foolish. I bought a bucket of balls. I tried some half swings and felt no pain. I moved on to three quarter swings and that worked. So, I hit half a bucket of balls with a delicious full swing that would have made Tiger Woods swoon.

As I said, its an beautiful day here in Pacific Grove.

Tomorrow, the nine iron comes out!

Surgery plus 45 days

It was a wonderful week filled with more healing and lots of visits with friends. We went out to dinner several times. Sharon has continued to work with contractors to finish off some odds and ends on the upstairs remodel. She has also been able to catch up on a lot of differed cleaning and maintenance. We hope to have a relaxing week starting tomorrow. I am better able to concentrate and was able to finish the book on HP called "Bill and Dave". There were so many details that I had no idea about as Bill and Dave built the company. I learned a lot.

I'm standing straighter, walking more, eating a little better, and I can swing a golf club fully but very gently. I still have some distance to go, but I'm encouraged and staying patient.

Surgery plus 37 days

The back of our home in Pacific Grove faces the sunrise. On most mornings a crisp and colorful show throws it's light on a myriad of roof tops that stretch toward the bay. The sun sets through the front windows and it's a whole different story. By sunset, the strong breeze that stirs in the afternoon has blown mist off the waves that crash on the ocean side of our little peninsula. The air is heavy with droplets. Each droplet, if you could look at it with a magnifier, contains an upside down picture of the sunset behind it. The total effect is a warm glow that envelopes the neighborhood and cypress trees to the west.

I am enveloped in a warmth, here, that I can't explain. I'm feeling better each day. I've talked to a lot of friends and family and feel like I'm getting focused on things beyond my battle with cancer.

Soft mist slowly lifts

The old world appearing

My hunger returns

Surgery plus 30 days

Okay, I can talk again! We are headed for Pacific Grove, tomorrow, for about four weeks to finish recuperating, but I am available to talk and visit. We'll be back in the Bay Area quite a bit in August to organize and pack for the move. My cell phone is 415 6010754 and I can't wait to get caught up with everyone.

Surgery plus 28 days

Every day brings a little more freedom and energy. I'm driving around doing light chores during the day and walking as much as possible. I can walk about 100 yards. Then, I have to sit for a few minutes and let the pain in my upper right back subside. I can repeat the process many times. As I walk more, my breathing becomes better as well.

We'll spend some time with the nutritionist tomorrow at Stanford to see if there is some way I can get more value and calories out of the small amounts I can eat.

We are heading for our Pacific Grove home on Saturday for the next 4 weeks. Then, we plan to come back to pack and get ready to move to Pacific Grove permanently by the end of August.

I'm looking forward to walking every day along the ocean and beginning to do some photography again. I think I could also go to the golf course and practice putting until I feel strong enough to start swinging my clubs again.

Surgery plus 22 days

I met with my surgeon, Dr. Whyte, today and he was very pleased with my progress. I'll see him one more time in 4-6 weeks. The intern who came in to see me first said that this is one of the most difficult surgeries there is and went on to say that my body will continue to use up a lot of energy to heal.

I weighed in at the ideal weight for someone my height. That is what we expected would happen. I'm doing my best not to lose any more weight but it's difficult. I don't have much appetite and I get full really fast. The doctors insist that my appetite will return and I will be able to eat more at one sitting. I'm looking forward to that.

Sharon and I have been out to lunch a couple of times and I'm walking more. I'm able to talk for longer stretches each day. I'm not taking any pain killers. Life is beginning to return!

Surgery plus 20 days

In spite of the size of this surgery, I was remarkably pain free. When I woke up after six hours of surgery, I was very alert. They asked how much pain I was in on a scale of 10. I told them '8'. They expressed disappointment. I suddenly went back to sleep and when I woke again I could say that the pain was more like a '3'. The problem wasn't pain.

The real issue was that I had three drains that emptied fluids from my stomach, bladder and chest cavity. They weren't painful unless some tugged at the tubes by mistake. I had to be careful about how fast I moved around. I also had six or seven IV tubes dripping various fluids in both arms. I had an IV pole standing next to my right shoulder and one next to my left shoulder. Some lines came to my left arm from the pole on the right and some came to my right arm from the pole on the left. That meant that I had lines crossing over my body. I felt tied to the bed. I couldn't sleep on my right or left side and certainly not on my stomach. I was on my back and couldn't move without two nurses and a lot of work to untangle the lines. Still, I got up the first day and every day in the hospital and walked with my two nurse entourage, two IV polls, and various drainage bags.

I couldn't eat or drink anything for six days. I wasn't hungry or thirsty. My mouth was very dry and I could swab it often with a little wet sponge on a stick. I could watch television, but I couldn't read or operate my laptop. On day six, I passed some tests and they began to pull the drainage tubes. I was worried that it would hurt and it didn't at all. Then some IV's disappeared. I was liberated!

The ordeal required more patience than pain tolerance. I've learned new levels of patience.

Surgery plus 17 days

Each day is a little easier. I can talk more but my voice is not strong yet. I can see that it will take another four to five weeks to feel some sense of normalcy.

The surgery was big. It was pretty amazing. I have a scar down my stomach from my chest to a few inches below my belly button. Dr. Norton and his team used this area to remove my esophagus from my stomach as well as potentially impacted areas of my stomach. That took about an hour and a half. Then, he stitched up my stomach and Dr Whyte rolled me over to complete the surgery from my upper back. I have a long arching scar that looks like a crescent moon. They used that incision to complete the surgery. They had to crack my ribs apart, deflate my right lung, detach about two thirds of my esophagus and stitch the stomach back together with what what was left of the esophagus. The stitches had to be tight enough that I would heal without allowing any leaks. Then they had to do a number of layers of stitches to repair the incision on the way out. That part of the surgery took another four hours.

The whole strategy that they recommended worked well. The chemo and radiation killed and marked the cancer. It was easy for the surgeon to see what he was cutting. Early pathology reports were made before they closed me back up. There was no cancer anywhere except the small tumor in my esophagus. The full lab report came back within three days of surgery and indicated that the tumor had not penetrated the lining of the esophagus as previously thought. My stage 2 diagnosis was reset to stage 1. This is very important because it means that there was very little chance that a cell of that cancer traveled to some other part of my body and is waiting to develop.

I will be scanned for cancer a lot...maybe as often as every three months. I will be anxious waiting for the results of each scan, but I have some comfort from the fact that it was only stage 1 and we treated it very aggressively.

For now, all I can do is relax and try to keep walking often, breathing right, and eating right.

More Improvements

My breathing is beginning to open up a little more. I can sometimes carry on a short conversation. My body continues to have some aches and pains, but nothing serious. Eating is not a problem at all. Sharon has made some delicious meals and I can eat small portions. I continue to lose body fluid from the surgery. So, we are just resting and letting the healing process run its course. I'm still not ready for visitors or phone conversations, but I don't think it will be long before I can do those things again.

More Progress!

I've been resting a lot and healing at a good speed. My hands, forearms and wrists are no longer in pain from the IVs and some of the medication that passed through them. I have two large incisions that are a little uncomfortable, but feeling better each day. The staples came out before I left the hospital. My right side, toward my back is sore and I need to sleep facing up as opposed to one side or the other. I still haven't needed pain killer during the day and only take one dose at night to sleep better. I think I get about 5% better each day.

My breathing is a larger issue because it makes talking and exercising more difficult. We visited our pulmonary specialist yesterday to get checked out. He said that I had to expect a slower recovery in the lungs because one was collapsed during surgery to give the surgeons room to operate. The lungs react by protecting themselves with a coating which needs to be broken up and coughed up. He gave me some balloons to blow up during the day to speed the process along. The balloon therapy seems to be working already.

So, I still can't talk and I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to. Aside from that I'm feeling pretty good and I'm enjoying six small meals a day. I've had no problem swallowing or digesting food.

I'm thrilled with the recovery from this operation. I expected it to be much worse. Once my breathing gets under control, I should be able to begin building my body back to a reasonable condition pretty quickly.

First day is promising

My first day home for recovery was outstanding. I still can't talk much because I start coughing as soon as I do and coughing, although therapeutic in my situation, is painful. I started on my new life style of eating small portions of nutritious food about 6 times a day. Sharon made some excellent food and I delighted in every morsel. I still have no appetite, really, but eating was still wonderful. I feel stronger already. I have a lot strange sensations and some pain in various places in my torso at various moments, but I haven't needed painkiller during the day. I can engage in moderate activity, and my breathing is the limiting factor.

Josh is joining us today for support this week. I'm looking forward to seeing him. With his help, I think we will make some quick progress this week. I can see that it will take a number of weeks to adjust to my new organ placement and complete healing from two large incisions. I'll be on the phone as soon as my breath allows me to.

I'm home from the hospital!

I'm doing very well thanks to some great doctors, loving family, and friends. The cancer is gone completely. I'm cured. Now, I will focus on recovering from surgery. It was an amazing experience that has produced a lot of learning and some great stories that I will share with a little more distance.

I'm grateful to Sharon and Jordan for keeping the blog up to date for the past 10 days. They were exhausted and still took the time get on line.

So Much Better

Bob's made steady progress since Tuesday in regaining his voice. Unfortunately very frequent coughing has kept him from having visitors and talking on the phone. Apparently the cough is part of the healing process and will pass.

By Wednesday evening he was finally free of his last "connections" other than a portable heart monitor, and the nursing staff cheered as he walked out of his room, clad in his own pajamas and robe - no pole, no tubes, no hospital johnny. He looked mahhhhvelous.

Today was his ninth day at Stanford, and we're hoping tomorrow will be his last. We've had all wonderful reports since the surgery, and the best was last: There's no sign of any cancer now. There will be a lot more healing to follow and home will be the best place to do that. So if you hear a very loud hurrah coming from Palo Alto on Friday, it will be us driving back to San Carlos together. We can't wait!

Improvements

It was not easy to leave yesterday. My father, who had been alert and chatting with us for days, was uncomfortable. The lack of fluids and irritation from the tube left his throat scratchy and painful; he couldn't say more than a few words at a time and those were difficult to hear. If you missed them the first time, there would be no repetition. The epidural, which had given him groggy-free pain relief, had been removed in favor of another very effective drug, but one that made him drift off to sleep frequently all day. He looked more like the patient I expected to see those first few days after surgery. I tried to bear in mind that, although he was looking more ill and unhappy, he was in fact continuing to gain strength as he walked increasingly longer laps around the unit.

The swallow study, that which had been promised for Monday, could not be delivered until Tuesday due to the holiday. This was demoralizing for all of us, particularly as my Dad's discomfort increased significantly on the day it was due. He was brought down early Tuesday morning for the test in radiology and my mother and I strained to hear through the door, nearly jumping out of our seats when I heard a doctor say, "Everything looks really good so far, Mr. Sadler." Things did look good. The radiologist said so, the intern said so, and yet it wasn't until his own surgeon, Dr. Whyte, got out of surgery hours later, reviewed the film and gave it the thumbs up, that my father's tube could be removed and he could start drinking some water. I was happy to know that the test went well but it wasn't until I was about to board the plane that my mother's call came in to say that the surgeon had finally appeared and things were starting to change.

I think there will be big changes this week as my father begins to regain more control over his body with fewer tubes and cords around him and can move more independently. As his throat heals and he can talk more, receive phone calls, and let us know what he wants more easily, I expect he will seem more himself. And yet this healing will take a while, and the long wait in the hospital can take a lot out of people, even those as strong as my father.

I may continue to write once in a while, but I am no longer in California, so I would expect that my mother will do most of the updating until my Dad is able to get back to the computer himself. I have been so grateful for all of your support of our family; it continues to help all of us get through this challenging time.

A Few More Photos

Bob on the ATV in Colrain, MA in August 2006:

Reading to grandson Lyle in October 2006:

Bob and Sharon with Baxter and Lyle, October 2006:

Another excellent historical shot: The Cosby Sadler family, circa 1986:

My Error

Bob has continued to gain in strength and endurance today. Unfortunately he was not able to talk very much today as his throat is now quite irritated. In the morning entry I included his phone number for anyone who might want to call him at Stanford. I would wait a few days now as he will have the tube removed on Tuesday and begin to take liquids if his swallowing test is successful - which we expect to be the case. We'll let you know how that goes.

Boring is good

Bob has continued to make great progress. Yesterday, he took two long walks around the unit hallways going two laps each time. All three of his doctors were in to check on him accompainied by their entourages of eager medical students. They were all in agreement that Bob was becoming a very boring patient with no complications. Boring is good. Also Saturday, Bob walked across the hall to move into a private room. It's given him a bit more space as well as quiet when he wants to rest.

Not that hospitals are really set up for sick people to rest. He's been awakened at 3 am for such things as xrays in the room, blood tests and frequent alarms from a dizzying array of electronic and mechanical devices. These alarms seem to be sounding off with information which reflects more on their function than his. As always, Bob is quite patient (as a patient or otherwise), but he was happy to be in the new room where he'd only be subjected to his own interruptions. It will also give him more space for visitors when he's up to it.

His mother, Shirley, came up to visit from Pacific Grove which cheered him Saturday. Once he gets free of some of the tubes and equipment, he'll feel comfortable about having more visitors. If you'd like to talk with Bob while he's at Stanford, you can call him on his direct line: 650/ 498-3781. Most of the time he's able to have a chat, but don't call him on his cell phone. They aren't allowed on his floor. (Note: I wrote this Sunday morning before I knew that Bob's throat has become a bit sore making it difficult for him to talk for very long. If you call, it will probably be a very short conversation. Once he has the tube removed on Tuesday and is able to start taking liquids, he'll be able to talk more comfortably.)

As before, I'm printing out any emails sent to Jordan or me and comments sent to this blog. Our son-in-law, Matt, has taken some wonderful photos of Baxter and Lyle sending their best wishes, and Baxter has created great drawings for his Papa's room as well. Thanks to all of you who have sent Bob your messages of good cheer.

Friday Update

I was in to visit my father this afternoon for a while. My mom has come down with a mild cold and therefore is not supposed to visit this particular hospital floor. We hope that with some rest she will be back in action very soon; it is difficult for her not to be there, but we don't want my father (or anyone else on his floor, for that matter) to pick up a virus.

Dad was in good spirits, still not in pain, and had been up walking again this morning with the physical therapist. He reported that he'd been sitting up in his chair again for most of the morning! This is quite remarkable. While I was there, what we expected to be a quiet afternoon became much busier...Dad had volunteered to allow a 1st year med student to interview him; this was going to involve a case history and a brief physical exam. The young man expected he'd be with Dad for an hour. I thought that was quite generous of my father, but we would expect that, wouldn't we? While he was involved in that, an occupational therapist came in to do her evaluation and she was very pleased with his balance and coordination. My favorite part of that exam was when she said in front of him that it should go quickly because he was so "high-functioning". I noted that - at least most of the time - his family would agree. What a strange thing to say in front of someone, but I suppose those terms are used differently in my line of work.

The days are going by slowly for my father, but the television has been his best distraction. Unfortunately, when he tries to read novels or magazines, he falls asleep. He was excited to read all the blog posts and your comments that I left him with, however.

I'll be going back later this afternoon and will keep you posted!

Some Basics

We appreciate your blog comments and the emails you send to us (we can't get at the ones sent to my father yet), and we will print new ones on a daily basis to bring to the hospital, so keep them coming!

Some of you have asked exactly where he is and if he can have visitors. Dad is at Stanford Medical Center in Palo Alto and will probably be there until mid-to-late next week. He is in Unit D, which is an Intermediate Intensive Care unit where they place patients who have had major surgery but no longer need individual, round-the-clock care. It is too soon for him to have visitors, he's not up for that yet. We will be sure to let you know when he is able to see you; it is likely to be when he is back at home.

Delighted Once Again

Bob and Jordan 5/22/07

Bob has often surprised and delighted me with something new and interesting when we'd meet up at the end of a day or maybe lingering over breakfast on the weekend: an interesting experience, person or place he had encountered or a new idea or insight that we'd talk over for hours or just simply something unexpected.

Two days ago it was his response to my suggestion that he might get a shorter haircut before his surgery. Here you see the result! I must admit that I haven't seen this look on him since he returned from two years in the military in 1966. I imagine that by the time you see him again he will have abandoned this "new look" but you never know what Bob may do next. That's always been the fun of sharing a life with this wonderful man.

This morning he again surprised Jordan and me when we arrived at the ICU at Stanford. He had improved significantly overnight, and had already made one attempt at sitting up and then standing next to his bed. We were, of course, delighted.

So, as his nurse so aptly commented, he decided to show off for the ladies and repeated it - only this time he walked out of the room into the hallway and back again and sat in a chair for the next two and a half hours. This is not an easy feat after a major surgery 24 hours earlier, but he did it with style. Walking with a nurse on either side (one 8.9 months pregnant) and two poles full of all sorts of attachments, he looked like a cross between a medical miracle and traveling peddler.

It was a great show and we were totally delighted - once again.

More Bob Photos

with Sharon and grandson Baxter:

with mother Shirley:

with son Josh:

with grandson Lyle:

Notes from California

I have written a post about my father's surgery today over on my blog, The Wonderwheel. It is more about my own experience and thoughts, so I didn't feel comfortable posting it on my father's blog, but if you are interested, feel free to read it here.

Bob & Family circa 1976

You only think you know my Dad. I mean, the real Bob. But you can't really say you know Bob Sadler until you've seen the best Sadler family photo ever (dig it!) -

Wow!

My mother and I returned to visit my father in Intensive Care tonight, bracing ourselves for more of what we saw this afternoon. Instead, we found Dad with his bed raised up, watching Jim Lehrer and surrounded by one of today's surgeons and his entourage of residents. He greeted us, and was able to talk to us for about half an hour before fatigue set in again. True to her word, the nurse had helped bring his pain down to a "3" from an "8" and this had made a world of difference. He said that the biggest discomfort tonight is his dry mouth, which unfortunately will dog him for 5 more days. The nurse was letting him swab his mouth tonight, though; guess she's a softie since she told us earlier that he probably shouldn't have them. She jokingly referred to him as "King of the Swab". Dad really likes this nurse and we were so happy to learn that she was going to work overtime tonight and stay on until midnight.

My mother and I are feeling giddy with relief tonight. After the past 5 months and all the fears about today, it is such a good feeling that he's doing so well. For sure he's got a long way to go in his recovery, and the coming week will not be easy for him, but just the change in the past 4 hours has made us feel really positive about things.

Successful Surgery!

My father walked into Stanford Medical Center at 5:30 this morning with impressive determination and the eternal twinkle still present in his eye. He claims to have slept well, but we had to be up at 3:45 AM to get ready to go, so it was a short night. As he pointed out, though, he would be getting an awful lot of rest in the coming weeks.

He was in surgery from 7:30 AM to 12:45 PM today with two phenomenal surgeons. Mom and I were able to get updates through hospital volunteers, so we knew when the first surgery was completed and that things were going "well" throughout. Mom knitted, I read, we chatted, talked to family members, and went to a nearby shopping center for a bit to get some fresh air. Despite our methods of self-distraction, these were an incredibly long 5 hours.

Dr. Whyte, the Thoracic Oncology surgeon who was with my father for the duration of the surgery, met us in the waiting room at 12:45 to say that all had gone well. He noted with satisfaction that the chemo and radiation had done its job without leaving much scar tissue, and there had been no complications today. My father would be taken to the ICU for the night, as is standard procedure after such a major procedure.

We visited with my dad for a short while at about 1:30 PM, when he was first brought to the ICU. He was awake, and had more color in his face than we had anticipated. He is on oxygen and has a nasogastric tube in place. As is customary in Intensive Care, he has a nurse by his side at all times; this afternoon's nurse was kind and intelligent. She explained that since all of Dad's vitals are fine, her job is to help him manage the pain.

And, unfortunately, the pain today is considerable. He has an epidural in place and yet stated that on a scale of 0-10 his pain was registering as an "8". The nurse showed him how to give himself a boost in pain medication by pushing a button, but this had not taken effect by the time we left. She was calling a doctor to come in and increase the dosage going in through the epidural, and promised us that he'd be down to a "3" by the time we got back this evening. It was extremely difficult for us to see him in such pain, particularly knowing as we do that he is not a complainer; this pain is not minor.

It is going to be an arduous couple of weeks for my father. He will have an x-ray swallowing study on Monday in which they give him a trace amount of fluid and watch to be sure it follows the appropriate course through his body. There is no reason to believe that it won't, but until they do this procedure, he may not eat or drink at all. Yes, that's right: he must wait 5 days before even having a sip of water; no ice chips, no swabs. It is difficult to know at this point when he will come home, but the 7-10 day estimate seems appropriate.

We will go back this evening to visit again; there are brief visiting hours for family every two hours. We believe that he will feel better each day and that the pain we've seen him experience is as bad as it's going to get as they learn to adjust the medication properly.

The strain of the past five months has been tremendous on my parents, but they have risen to the occasion and shown incredible strength. They are a strong couple, but they couldn't have done it without you. We are all grateful for all of the love and support we have received from all of you, our family and friends. We are also overwhelmed with gratitude for the medical staff who has treated him.

My mother or I will continue to update this blog as frequently as there is news. If you would like to contact us directly in the next week, feel free to email us at either sharonsadler@earthlink.net or jordansadler@sbcglobal.net. We will print out any email messages (or comments on the blog) for my father, and bring them to the hospital. I expect to be here until Tuesday, May 29. In the meantime, I have selected some of my favorite photos of my father from over the years to share; and, truly, with some of them, this is the perfect time to showcase them because he isn't available to stop me!!

Today is the day...

It's 5:00 am and I'm off to Stanford in a few minutes. My surgery is scheduled to begin at 7:30 this morning. The first team will take about 90 minutes to get the tumor out and the next team will take another 3-4 hours to tie my esophagus back to my stomach.

The plan is to send me from the recovery room to the C unit. It is unlikely that I will need to spend time in the ICU but that sometimes happens. The surgery team is great. My preoperation tests were great. I feel great.

I got a very short haircut yesterday. How short? Well, think David Letterman. The last time it was this short I was headed for Vietnam in 1965. I guess I have a thing about short hair as the right fashion statement for major challenges.

I probably won't be in condition to add to this blog over the next 5 days at least. Jordan will fill in.

Thanks so much for the outpouring of prayers and good wishes. You've bolstered my spirit and my faith.

Almost There...

Tomorrow, I talk to the surgeon again about what he is going to do on Wednesday. Then, I go for some standard tests to get ready. I'm also, just to be on the safe side, going for a breathing test with my pulmonary specialist tomorrow afternoon. My heart rate, rhythm, and blood pressure have been ideal for the past four weeks since the cardiologist helped me with heart rate and rhythm in the hospital at the end of my radiation treatments.

I've managed to gain about 6 pounds back since the end of radiation/chemo. My new weight is just about right because I will lose another 10-15 pounds from the upcoming surgery. I should complete recovery at about the ideal weight for someone my height.

Best of all, I shot an 83 for 18 holes at Pacific Grove Municipal on Friday. That's my best ever score! I'm eager to recover and get back out before I forget what I did.

Feeling Great!

The past week was wonderful. I feel great! Sharon was able to spend most of the week with our daughter, son-in-law, and two grandsons. She is on a plane on her way back from Chicago this evening. I spent a few days with our son, Josh, at a retreat north of Napa valley. Then I spent the weekend in Pacific Grove. I was able to celebrate Mother's Day with my mother. I also played 36 holes of golf and walked the distance. Daniel and Dixie Dixon invited me to dinner on Sunday with friends and we spent the evening singing. My sister-in-law, Joyce and her husband had me to dinner last night. So, what could be better?

I spent the afternoon planning a second photography/painting workshop with Guy Magallanes. We collaborated on a very successful workshop which was held in Pacific Grove at the Asilomar Resort. We decided to hold another one early next year. Guy teaches watercolor painting and I teach photography. The workshop is Sunday through Friday and provides instruction to a wide range of levels.

I'm beginning to schedule work for August. My hope is to be back in action at least part time.

Sharon and I are headed to Pacific Grove tomorrow for one more good weekend before surgery. We will be back in San Carlos on Sunday to get ready for preop appointments next week. Our daughter, Jordan will arrive from Chicago on Tuesday and plans to stay a week.

I'm looking forward to finally getting on with this next step. Thanks, again, for all your thoughts and prayers. You have lifted my spiritual and emotional state to match a very strong physical state. I am optimistic that I will recover as quickly as possible from surgery. Hugs to you all!

Summer Is Here!

We've had a beautiful string of sunny, warm days in Pacific Grove. Everything has the shimmer of summer on it. The ocean shimmers. The trees shimmer. Even the monarch butterflies, which live here from October to May in three trees by the tens of thousands, shimmer.

My good friend, Kevin Woodson, came by for a day and we did some plein air watercolor painting. Well, actually, Kevin gave me a lesson in plein air watercolor painting. I did take some good photographs while absorbing 'the Woodson Method'.

Our remodeling project is mostly done and there are only one or two contractors here at a time now. Our home should be completely livable by the time we leave for the surgery date.

The surgery is still, somehow, academic. I'm feeling no anxiety or fear. At some point, I'll probably break out in a sweat, hives, or who knows what, but I'm enjoying the peace while it lasts.

I'm doing so well that Sharon is headed for Chicago on Wednesday for a week of visiting with our daughter, son-in-law, and two grandchildren.

I'm headed to Napa Valley for a few days to visit with our son.

We are both looking forward to some children time!

Again, I am overwhelmed with well wishing and prayer. I can't express how much your support has meant.

Still on Schediule!

My recovery time is working well. I've gained about 5 lbs back which is just about enough. I'm getting lots of exercise and fresh air. Surgery is still scheduled for May 23. My job, in the meantime, is to build muscle tone and stay healthy.

My good friend, Wayne Lewin, from HP sent me a note regarding a new book called "Bill and Dave:How Hewlett and Packard Built the World's Greatest Company" by ABC's Michael Malone. Wayne said that the book is great. He also gave me a 'heads up' that about three pages near the end of the book describe an encounter I had with David Packard. I picked up a copy at Border's on Sunday. It is a great book and Mike Malone did a great job describing my encounter with David Packard. I highly recommend the book to those of you interested in business.

Surgery Scheduled!

Surgery is scheduled for May 23rd. That date is a week or two later than I hoped, but it's the only time we could schedule the two surgery teams on the same day. May 22nd will be a preop day. So, I have several more weeks to recover from chemo and radiation and build up my strength. I feel great, but my muscle tone still needs work.

The dye contrast scan that I did yesterday was negative as expected. The scan is a precaution that is necessary because about 2% of patients have aggressive cancer growth in spite of chemo and radiation. That didn't happen in my case.

The surgeon was very impressed with the speed of my recovery from chemo and radiation and was encouraging about recovering from surgery relatively quickly as well. He said that a team led by Dr Norton will perform the first stage of the surgery to remove the cancerous tissue and then turn the surgery over to Dr Whyte's team who will handle the second stage which involves critical and careful stitching the esophagus and stomach back together in their new positions.

I will be in Stanford Hospital for 7-10 days including the first day or two in the critical care unit. The long stay is required because I won't be allowed to eat for the first 5 days. At the end of 5 days, I will take a barium scan to make sure that the stitches in my stomach and esophagus are not allowing any leakage. If the stitches are good, I'll start drinking and then eating over a few days. If the stitches are not good, I will need more surgery to fix the problem.

Following the hospital stay, it will take a month or two at home to get my strength back and to learn how to eat the right amounts and the right number of meals per day.

This is complicated surgery and I wouldn't want it done by someone who does it twice a year. These people do the procedure every week and teach it to medical students. I'm very confident about the surgeons and their experience. That helps a lot! The prognosis is excellent.

Our daughter, Jordan, and son, Josh, will take turns supporting us through the first few weeks. Sharon's sister, Joyce, and her husband, Ed, live nearby and will continue to play a critical support role as well. We will stay in San Carlos during recovery time until I don't need to see doctors on a weekly basis. Then, we plan to complete the move to our Pacific Grove residence. If all goes well, we will complete our move by the end of August.

We are back in Pacific Grove today and will stay here most of the time until surgery.

Continued Improvement

It's now almost three full weeks since my last radiation treatment. I needed to gain a few pounds and get my strength back in time for surgery in May. The last week has been great. Each day I think I have arrived back to normal only to find out that the next day is even better.

I have no symptoms of chemo or radiation at this point. I am eating normally. My radiation burn redness is almost gone on my back. I'm able to walk a couple of hours and I can feel my muscles again. I'm sleeping a full eight hours a day and I don't need any naps.

So, I feel like I'm ready for a CT Scan and meeting with the surgeon that is scheduled for Thursday. I should have my surgery schedule cleared within a day or so of that meeting. Surgery will probably be scheduled in May. It's hard to face surgery and a long recovery after just recovering. I want to just keep going without being brought down again. On the other hand, we have this cloud hanging over us that we want to get rid of and I'm happy to be doing well enough to get on with the process.

In many ways, I feel healthier than I have in years. I am 25 pounds lighter. That brought my blood pressure down to normal levels. I was living with untreated Atrial Fibrillation and some good diagnosis and medication has rid me of that. My heart rate is slower. I feel rested. I've had little stress of any sort for weeks. I've never felt more support and love from friends and family.

I feel blessed!

Spring and Recovery March into April

We are in Pacific Grove for some recovery time and Spring is in full blossom. Everything here is just gorgeous. I'm beginning to eat well as my esophagus irritation subsides. I'm getting a lot of exercise. I still have to sleep an hour in the afternoon, but generally feeling better every day. This is a good place for recovery. Every look at the ocean brings a renewed sense of well being.

We are doing some remodeling on our home, so we've done considerable moving and prep so that the contractors could get going this morning.

The next meeting with the surgeon is on April 19th. I'll also have a CT Scan that morning. After that, we should know the surgery date. I'm confident that I'll be physically ready. Again, thank you all for your messages of support. They have meant to world to me.

Good Progress!

I had my last radiation treatment on Monday. It wasn't really a tearful goodbye to the technicians, as nice as they are! I felt well enough to drive myself to the clinic. I went shopping for a few pairs of pants and shirts that fit. I dropped a couple of sizes and my old cloths are hanging off me. I don't want to buy too much because I'm not sure what weight I will be at the end of surgery and recovery. I suspect I will weigh less than I do now and that may be another size smaller.

On Monday, I also started a different medication to try to get my irregular hear beat under control. The fist medication we tried last week didn't work. Within an hour of taking the medication on Monday, my heart went into it's normal rhythm and seems to have stayed there. I'll confirm that with a cardiogram this morning. What a relief! I feel so much better just from that. My energy is coming back along with my appetite already. My esophagus still hurts when I eat or drink, but it is subsiding each day. I think I'm going to recover very quickly.

As I look back on the radiation and chemo treatments, I did very well. The asthma problem was unrelated. The heart rate problem was almost certainly related and unusual as a side effect. The expected side effects weren't that severe. The radiologist said that my treatment was very aggressive and that most cancer center's wouldn't even try doing that much.
I have a CT Scan on April 19th in the morning to confirm that there isn't any cancer anywhere. Then, I meet with the surgeon to schedule surgery in May.

I am particularly happy to have taken the most aggressive course of action when I hear the stories about the Elizabeth Edwards and Tony Snow. I realize that no matter how aggressive we have been, I will still have to get scans a few times a year for the rest of my life and every scan will be a drama. I can only hope that a constant reminder of my own mortality will keep me focused on what is important in a way that improves my life. I have seen that dynamic at play already. More on that later.